20Something and Surviving

Cold Conspiracies

Its cold. Not as cold as in some parts of the country but still bloody hell cold.

The thing about it being cold and having to work in order to pay for one’s vices is that you need to actually get up and leave the heat of your bed and actually work. This requires one to dress for work. Which means finding appropriate apparel for work. Jeans are out. Well… the comfy jeans are out.
And you can’t dress like an Eskimo. Even though every cell is crying out that it needs to be covered up.
And it has to match coz the people who did decided to brave the cold and pitch have decided to congregate in the kitchen under the pretense of getting coffee just to play the winter edition of What not to Wear.

But the worst thing about working and winter is the prospect of the Air Con. At home you can revert to the heater but there is this insane rule in any corporate, no make that work environment, where it states the Air Con has to be on at least 15 degrees despite it being winter and the looming prospect of Eskom Blackouts.

But I get the plan, no one complains so when they stay away they blame said Air Con and thus justify their blatant laziness.

Maybe I’m wrong. But I’m frozen and my anger combined with the chattering of my teeth is impairing my judgement.

June 10, 2008 Posted by | cold, frozen, pissed, winter | Leave a comment

Frozen

I’m numb.

And not from the icy breeze that’s coming in from the berg.

Although my heart does feel as if its turned to ice. It is frozen.

Its frozen to the exact point when you realize that you are a complete idiot for being a completely caring and trusting person. It’s frozen in that time when realization dawns on you that you are not the center of your spouses limited universe. It’s frozen to that exact point when there is a click in your brain and things start to make sense. Its frozen at that humiliating point when you know you will be just like the dozens before you and submit.

Even though you know better. Even though you are strong- independent even.

It freezes because your own sensibilities have left you, because, like an animal under attack, I have receded into my shell. the shell of my mind. I have frozen in time. To isolate the incident, to dismiss the moment from my conscious and to ignore the niggling in my brain.

I’ve done it before. Can I do it again? I hope so.

Has my ever-constant reliance on my freezing mechanism allowed for an immunity to such devices to develop? Why can I not just thaw out and forget that anything has happened.

I’m frozen and would prefer to stay that way. But the fire in my heart is burning. It is melting me from within. It is a trojan horse with in me. I am under siege.

And it’s an angry flame.

April 29, 2008 Posted by | cold, frozen, Heart, hurt, leez | 2 Comments